Green Eyed Christmas Monster

The whale was addicted to the cocaine in the river.

Happy Birthday Baby Jesus

You need ragga in you.  No more Artpop for you, lady.

Chris + T + Mas

Ponce!  With your sound engineer shit!  Forget it.

Hot Cocoa

Another one of our beloved chickens has been snatched by a fox.  Mother was screaming all morning.

Here Comes Santa Claus, Baby!!!

Two figures sit in the conservatory.  A lone candle.  A half empty bottle of wine.  The talking bible channel is on loud in the living room.

Holly Jolly

Frodo and Sam they’re not into Spam, Sam’s into biscuits and cheese.  Frodo is weird and tries growing a beard, but Sam chants: Don’t do it PLEASE.

I Give Up. I Quit.

Thou shalt come to the hotel sayeth mother.

Jesus Christ

“good” says mother b4 resuming to freestyle rap to cypress hill.

Chrimbo!!!

At 12 the mercedes edges its way 2 oxford, set to arrive between 3/4 as the fellowship journeys on, so says mother.

2008 Christmas Party Invite

I pulled out all the stops when I made this party invitation last year.  Really proud of the late-90s Photoshop blurriness vibe.  The bear’s multicolored vomit is a real joy to behold.  FYI the party was good except it made my bedroom stink of cheese for days on account of the enormous cheese board / coat check usage.  My friend Sam wore a special Christmas outfit to the party and I believe there is a photo of it right near the start of this here blog.